i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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