sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
