that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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