I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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