I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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