i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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