I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
