But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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