dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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