If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
