I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
did i just pee glitter
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
