I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we're making bets on your personal life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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