doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
