Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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