I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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