Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
