would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
