i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
