I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
