We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
