I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
