did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
