i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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