TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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