rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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