When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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