hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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