my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
