last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
