So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
