are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
