I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
