whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
