textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
