Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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