so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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