That's intense
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My balls are so social today.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
