sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
