after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
