i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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