Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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