Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
