Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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