who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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