Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
