Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
