if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
