it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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