i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
