If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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