I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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